a twist of fate

i think i'd lost you. totally. lost the will to carry on fighting lost the zest lost the enthusiasm lost my selfesteem lost my morale.

it sucks everything out of u. even chocolates dont work. do u noe how that feels? no u dont.

fucked up life. and i chose it. and now im left alone to cry.. burying my face in my pillow to hide my tear stained face to hide my disappoint that i wan no one to see.

sports and games are were my life.

the last straw

that is it. sands, i dun think i cld ever be more sad..i duno how much longer i can hold back.
it's slowly building up inside me and there's no way to let it out. too tired to think bout any other things except to let my eyes close and drift to the perfect lala land.
no one noticed but im slowly walkin away. they pushed me away, not me. all the sacrifices... the daes whizzed past unknowingly. id been doin things tt id lost interest in. not one but many many setbacks.
i really feel lousy. so disappointed with my performance. and the worst is i duno wad went wrong.

he said: whether we make or break nxt yr will depend on your batch.. seriously speakin, we wun maintain our title if we carry on like this.. problem is that the freshies do not have feelings for the hall.

she said: u all have to carry on runnin (for jcrc) nxt yr, else there's no one anymore.. but i dunwan u all to be pressured to run, it must be out of passion for the hall.

and as for my biggest challenge now..
seriously if u put me as the captain of some sports, i know how to push my players to work harder. but not for this. is it not impossible to motivate ur players in a sport u're not only unfamiliar with but also have no interest or flair in. so wad position am i in to lecture them in any way?
u noe wad's the most unbearable thing- stand there command command than u do nth. y cant they juz understand/..

not up to it

a little girl who loves to be pampered and coaxed to believin that she's the best in everything. but when reality strikes and she's no longer under the protective shield of those who loves, she shatters.

holdin on to the belief that god is fair.
holdin on to the belief that the greatest and only challenge is urself.
holdin on to the belief that if u're weak at smth, u'll be better at others.

(farked up. got 5 daes wk nxt sem. and 8.30am for 4 daes. how much worse can it get!)

e day..

pp sae sometimes when u get up on the wrong side of the bed, u juz dun feel right for the rest of the dae.. and to make things worse, my head felt bloated. hah. i guess it's like when u have too much to think bout and u duno where and how to start off. am i suppose to come up w the answers myself? am i supposed to be that capable? am i supposed to be that superwoman? ding! lightbulb lights up! and starts to fade at a exponential rate.

here we go here we go again now u're tellin me that she's juz a fren than y is she callin u at 3oclock in the mornin

learn to smile

little little things that make me smile....(5 seconds...15 seconds... 1 minute..).. nth seems to be right.
i noe. im goin to meet him.

torn apart

why is it always that one only treasures when smth is taken away frm them? it's so typical to take things fer granted; to think that she'll always be there for u, and u alone. and starts pulling back and regrettin whn someone tries to steal her away. torn between friendship or..

washed away..

bball training at 2pm, soccer at 5.30pm. and she conveniently skipped them all. wad's wrong i asked. and she cldn answer. she'd felt so totally despondent, maimed, wretched. wad words to use on her. hah. but perhaps tt's true. where was the girl once so undaunted so determined, nth cld stop her frm wantin to be who she wans to be. no longer. wad's wrong i asked. and she cldn answer. her morale dipped and she cldn play to her best - torn between everyone's favourite games and her favourite games.

she dreams..
of the water break at ECP. realised she had been so cooped up by a zillion activities, there's no time to think of anything else. the times spent there listenin to the dark waves slappin hard against the waterbreaks, feelin the cold waters rushin up to her knees, swingin and tossin sparkles everywhere, singing and giggling.

of her imperfections that her fren blatantly commented on. unknowing to this fren, she had tried ways and means to correct them, and when all means became futile, had finally come to terms that these imperfections are already part of her. ugly or not, that is her and being reminded of these physical imperfections simply spoils the friendship. does it matter? but it's true wad!- the fren said.

one learns to be the good kind soul by listening and watchin wad others are and omitting the dark areas. 'you never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it' - cant be any more true.