WAHHhh.

WAHHhh. this blog sucks. it documents only one's sadness, hatred, jealousy, anger.
remind me to smile... i teach u kae. it's really simple. just tell me:

"i really wan you to be happy. i wish i cld see u smile more often cos u look really beautiful when u do. "

-than u pat my head-

and one last thing if u cld do for me - never. never leave me alone.

and i'll smile.

we're nth.

felt just like part of my family these weeks/ mths. wadeva it was, we ate slept dressed studied in this same room. friendship grows fonder i wld have thought. nobody cld understand my temper more than i do obviously. sometimes it gets beyond other's anticipation and i apologised. sometimes i wld sae u dun understand me. and i waited for your apologies but none came, so be it.

and when u thought this was trivial, and life carries on.. u realised this supposed 'family member' of yours becomin distant. history repeats and i was stunned. upset. disappointed. once again i slammed my room's door shut behind me, seconds after i stepped in. where to next? i duno..

once again un-welcomed to your room - your escapism to nothingness from a fucked up dae out in that fucked up world of pretence. how else to react? smile politely and stepped out graciously? that would be nice huhs. secrets.. whisperings... coming from a friend i thought was family. overwhelmed with insecurity.

Ohana... if u had watched lilo and stitch.

suddenly it dawned on me... oh.. we're just friends.

u look beautiful when u smile.

i wish to be shredded into pieces. the many things im unhappy with. from the outside right down to who i am. everything other thing's missin.
no fuckin soul understands.
now. bring me out to the seas to the waves splashin against the sides of the boat. my hands to the waters and feel its coolness. my face up against the strong winds and feel them blowin music in my ears. fucked up daydream.
away from here where nth matters. since i dun matter either.
being a little kid whining again. that's wad u think. alright then.

you.

wish u are here with me once more.
sitting silently in my arms whisperin sweet nothings.. and eventually fallin aslp till dusk.
i love the silence between us.. that nobody understands.
the many times you gave in to my temper and
the many times i tried to cheer u up when ure down.
when nothing else matters but you. cos no one understands wad i wan more than u do.

never knew how i'd survive without u. but i did
and now im missing u
or just anyone who can be u.

wish u back here just to be here
when i need someone to jump these shit hurdles w me
when i need someone to show me that the world is beautiful
when i need someone who's laughter is genuine and to wipe away my tears.

i'd lost u..
and now i love someone who'd walked away with another.

father...

someone was being bitter and whiny huhs. not anymore i hope.
who do i love?
elles.

hiya. NOTHING i do will be right one lar

yes lar. im just a grouchy unfriendly loudhailer.
swear! i will not tell. pls ask someone else if u wanna now wad happened to someone else. nth concerns me. everthing will juz go in from my right ear and out the left. maybe jus not tell me.

to hell.

swear. not. ur temper has to be kept within the walls that protect ur small little heart.

sick of being nice to everyone i guess. how much i gave to acquaintances not to mention frens. selfish u sae, i dun care. tired of puttin in so much, and wad do i get in return? if everyone can be nicer maybe my smiles will be more genuine. or perhaps juz leave me alone. yes go away if u're tired of me. go away if u cant stand me. stop the pretences everyone. cryin at the slightest things.. cannot make it eh. but tt's juz me. jianing hate tears and u too. but she's always there at the slightest things. ok im askin too much is it.simple. stop 'bullying' me.

hiya sure got karma one i noe. sae these kind of things sure happen to me one lars. so i pray nobody read this??
dear father, i fear not for i noe u're with me. nth else matters since nobd cares. selfish everyone will be. ive tried. really i did. but ive given up. be w me. give me the strength to be a kind soul who do not ask for anything in return.

own space: to rest all muscles of my legs, body, arms, face, mouth, eyes. usually after a day out of walkin ard everywhere using brain cells, muscles mentioned above. least u can do is to let me rest. shhhhhh.