once upon a time.. everyone come to me cos im nice =)

there's lots of things scrambling in this lil' mind of mind, tryin to hide away in this corner and that; trying to pull back those tears. it's saddenin everytime i come up with some logic of how human or more specifically, whom i call friends- think or behave. and maybe it boils down again to.. i expect too much. there are goin to be parts that are bias but cmon, of cos! this is ME writing. wth.

philosophy #1) u only need me when u need me. and fer this, u suck. so i see things beginning to change cos U changed it first. wad was that when u come tellin me u are all gonna cut hair tml when i cut mine yest and none of u mentioned anything, and i had just agreed to a day job. u didn bother cos u alr had company. simple. and wad was that when u decided to learn driving and she decided to learn the bike, and u only informed me the dae before? how the hell am i supposed to make a decision in like less than 12 hrs? OH, or are u just informin me fer the sake of informin me? tht's fer assumin i am SO busy with my work. yes tell me, am i right? u only need me when u need me. seriously i realised.. all the buyin of chocolates and stuff have become lil' gifts to make up fer things u feel sorry about. am i right? childish? immature? maybe i am.

philosophy#2) 10 reasons y i love to drink and get drunk even though i dislike the taste of alcohol.
1-7 are reasons not to be revealed.
8- it's such a simple reason but everyone simply refuse to admit it- to seek attention. ask the poor drunk one who/what he/she needs, and the reply will be "someone.. anyone".
9- u wan to see wad kind of person i really am?
10- ask me any questions. anything. and it's nth but the truth.

philosophy#3) the part of u that wants to realise ur dreams spells l-o-n-e-l-i-n-e-s-s.
seriously, who are the friends behind u askin how are u doin? thanks grace. i really appreciate each and everytime when u asked how's my indonesia trip's comin along. (no sarcasm!!) and even if my family cant possibly do anything to help me, at least for any setbacks, i have them to fall back on. sad to say, they are the ones to catch me when i fall. or act, i shd be grateful enuff fer that.

philosophy#4) as a friend to u, this is the best i can be
seriously, all my life, ive tried so hard to be the best friend. but U made me stop thinkin of being one, and even worse, U made me want to be a lousy fren. sound ridiculous? indeed. omg.. im turning into smbd i dreaded so much in the past. i noe there are times u all just wan me away.

so yes.. im disappearing fer the nxt couple of daes...