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my arms are bleeding once more
and the smile is on my face
who do u see when u look at me
someone to love or easily replaced
once again i find myself finding myself

disillusion. contented::

life. beautifully concealed by the facade of love, buryin conceit and deceit.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

is it really tt tough?

to keep it within urself and choose to wait fer the lucky star to fall upon? deng dai qi shi heng nan shou. waiting fer ur sms to tell me ure stayin at home to look after ur bros, tt u'll be out fer dinner w frens, tt ure in fren's car on the way home, tt u just finished bathing.... ur concerns fer me and finally ure tired.. and then again to wait fer u to tell me tt ure free, to date me out, or so i cld date u out. wanna be part of ur life, so u cld stop puttin up brave fronts, so u can depend on me.

or to tell u tt i like u? and to leave u in a confused state, as if ure not confused enuff alr. hah.. and u had to sigh and ponder and kill all the angels? haha silly u. maybe u just dunwan to hurt me. whether is u had nv liked me before and had treated me like a lil' sis, or u have someone else takin up a permanent place in ur lil' heart...

fer a v long time, id realised tt wad u had given me was pure kindness. but i had taken too large a step and taken it too seriously. wo ming bai le, xi huan bu yi ding yao yong you.

i think i can forget u. forget the times when i thought i cld have u to wipe away my sadness, when i cld look u in ur sleepy and puffy eyes and laugh at how silly u are, the times when u kept me warm and gave me hugs, when i yearned for ur kind words to make me smile.

i will forget u. i have to shift all my focus and energy back to hall, sch, ivp and myself. i can alr feel fatigue, exhausation, depression piling up, and i'll have no time to look back to wad had happened. hoped i had learnt frm the 1st yr.. learn to face the toughest alone. to be strong and not let myself break down in front of anyone, to keep my temper lock in the drawers. to remember to bring my smiles w me wherever i go. to not have u in my life.

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