jiaxi

mmms.. kinda dumb huh. the green car's fugly. i miss jx. ning and min said the same things: i shdn let others step over me. it's like i alwiz try so hard to pls everyone ard me and does nt realise tt they're steppin over me?!`wad the. i dun feel tt though. but maybe they're right.. w jx ard i dun have to fear bout anything. cos u'll be w me all the time. i love u. but i cant. so wth. and u deserves someone better. im sorry.. fer nt being there fer u. fer not goin nus.eusoff. im sorry.. the many times i swore to be w u no matter wad. but i nv seemed to fulfill tt promise.
no longer in the same team. no longer in the same sch. no longer together. i miss u caring fer me, being there no matter how much troubles no matter how much tears how much mood swings. i wan everything to be the same but i screwed everythin up. i did. if only i had realised it earlier. im sorry.. i love....

smth to be happy bout

i went wakeboardin! hahhaHAHAhhahahahaaaa

i was happy. delirious. overjoyed. overwhlemed with joy!! juz to be out in the waters. with the wind blowin everythin else away. cliche but yes it's juz simply tt. i shall get a boat license one dae.

learnt to ride between the wakes todae. cos i tend to lean on my heels so i'll go towards the right wake. learnt to straighten my board and nt lean too far back so i'll be riding straight. lean a lil on my toe and stand v straight.

the instructor was tellin me the nxt time rd i shd be goin towards the right, back, left and back. than ride the wake. up, down and really bend ur knees. once outside the wake, i can go farther out.

shall go fer regular practices w jacelyn and joyce. another step nearer to my dream.

think perhaps im really more suited fer individual games/sports. i like to keep my focus on myself. prepare myself mentally and have all attention to myself. self centered huh =) but i guess tt's juz me when im me. i like team games. but i also have to focus on others and tt gets me really agitated. i'll demand a lot frm those more inferior. u noe wad i mean? it's the individual games where we have a team trainin togetehr tt i like. we have each other when we fall and when we win. but durin each game, it boils down to individual self. u muz be able to psyche urself and be mentally strong. most of the time the winner is whoever has the strongest mind. tt's the ultimate challenge. readin ur opponents' minds. anticipation. the mind controls all else. is the king.

now i noe there's a reason y i like to talk to myself =) i am freaky. heh.

i hate it. but i smiled.

freaking tired!! -roars w dysfunctional brain- can act get headache frm lack of slp. shd be catching some slp now i noe. there's AGM tonight gonna be anotehr long tedious fuckin boring night. prob is i dun like afternn naps cos i'll wake up feelin damn pissed tt i wasted the whole dae. so i nv get to slp in the afternn no matter how tired i am.

fell aslp at 5 yest right after i blog my previous entry. talked to eve and reen last night. have i alr mentioned tt? haha.. current mood- no expectations fer anyone except u =)

supposed to be studyin. woke up late fer lesson this mornin. fortunately zhenhao called me at 8.30 sharp when the lesson's supposed to start. thought i'll make a grand entrance fortunately cat was scoldin somebd else. lol. escaped!

gettin bloody fat fer cheerleadin. stop procrastiating and get down to diet!

i absolutely have no comments fer fion and ching =)
gettin tired keepin up w them. may be one of the issues tt's addin to my exhausation. jae sin... i need u

i have investiture and halloween tt's comin up. i need u too

i had been cryin. nursin fresh wounds and scars tt are beginnin to open up once again. i need u

night's approachin and the good and ugly sides of hall comes alive. it's freakin scary. walkin down the aisle of uncertainties. i tried to hide my face but unknown forces held back my hands. coerced to face them alone; to ans fer wad and wad not; to smile (when i wan to cry); to find (when i wan to cower in a lil corner sheltered frm all); to console (when i wan to be consoled). i need u. ur protection w ur arms ard me. need u to stop my tears =)

zero expectations

learnt a lesson: nt to set expectations fer anyone. it's like if u expect this person to do some things fer u, and it's nt done to ur expectations, u'll be really upset. however if u do nt set any expectations, nice things tt he/she does will turn out to be a pleasant surprise and there'll be nth unpleasant =) -courtesy of rain!

thanks fer being truthful to me too. i knew i did the right thing tellin u how i felt yest, else i'll be sillyly hanging on to the hope of bein w u. how foolish can i really get. time to move on. thanks fer being there.

my tears once again flowed down subconsciously.. ning, jae, sin, ser, i rem how many umptheen times u have told me to be strong now tt im all alone. i will i promise =) and i nv brk my promise to the best frens of my life. how much i miss u.. how much i love u..