cuppycup cakes!

pretty pretty cupcakes frm http://c-cup.biz/index2.htm . 2 fer her and 2 fer me =) and a "ger's" cd in a pretty nike paper bag. hope she liked it. a lil' surprise tt she nv expected. hopefully her nie interview yest went all well; she said it was ok.. maybe i'll get to see her on sat night after dinner! =) are these hopeful smiles? pray not.

friendly games with arion on tues, and nus on thurs. (btw it's 4.15am on fri morning, and in another hr's time, she'll be awake, gettin ready fer work). so yest's game.. jiaxi came down, and caroline too. overran the ball a couple of times, and still cant find the confidence to hold the ball or dribble it down half line. -shakes head. hah. oh wells.. will be missin the thailand trip in dec. they're all goin down. in the midst of ih.. cheerleadin. lil' demon shd go too, hopefully nie wld have replied u by then. and u can finally take a brk and have fun, to get ur mind off unhappy stuff.

gl interview fer me on the day before. pls dun replay last yr's unhappy episode. seriously, wad's ur reason for runnin as gl? if it's all bout the fun element, wld u hesitate to agree to the request of goin fer outside camps? if it's bout doin ur part fer hall, shd u be feelin upset tt u dun get in?

trainings have all ended fer now. more impt issues to concentrate on. gettin my studies on track. fer now, i shd have a gd night's rest and wake up fresh to complete some readings and prepare my 214 final presentation on mon.

silent prayerss for u.

playing hard.

playing too hard?
i actually felt embarrassed when she asked me wad games i played last yr.. and i was tryin so hard to recall. did i even play softball? so act i didn play any game at all last yr. and when she said i was slack, all i cld do was smile. and i almost cldn contain my tears. hah.
jib asked me: how come suddenly this yr ure playin so many games when last yr didn even see u.'
my reply: cos the sports managers screwed up. not like u didn noe.'
come to think of it, y do i even bother this yr? wad happened last yr tore me apart and yet im still here. and it seems like it's only me. when i had wished so hard tt i cld be on the same team as my frens, this yr is just the opposite. hah.. playin my fav games alone.. oh wells.. i have always wanted a fren, a teammate to play alongside me, someone who i can pass the ball to and back, knowin tt there's gonna be a spectacular goal by one of us in the nxt few minutes. so SLAMDUNK!! hahaa. yea i wish. maybe... being hopeful i guess. the desire to win champs. the desire to get the ih title.
and wad if the same thing happen this yr and i feel the same disappointment? same fer cheerleadin. hah... my room is my best hideout.
the last thing.. dun Ever Dare challenge me bout my committments, sacrifices and wad i can/have done fer hall unless u can match me in every aspect. if u think u can do more, show me. or shut up.
vidya showed me wad she got fer her gf fer their anniversary.. and her plans fer her this sat night at ecp.. hahha.. really sweet =)
and once again.. she tells me to move on, and so did everyone else. she said tt it's useless. is it really? fran said i got to detach myself frm her..
about time i guess...

lookin thru the BINOculars

copin with growin up. havin to deal w others lookin fer their own directions as we grow up together, lettin them go just as they have to let me go. it all started when jianing left fer aust and i guess it was then tt i was supposed to learn to let go and stand on my own. i did learn but nv totally. emotional attachments, how do u let go of tt so easily? again and again, i reminded myself of my goals in life, but who will share my joy and understand my unhappiness? have i learnt to detach myself frm others? is this part of growin up? a cross junction when u realise tt ur playmates prefer the left turn and u must take the right.

at the same time, it leaves an emptiness in u and the only thing tt cld make u whole again is somebd's hands. not to lead u, but simply to be there. who will make such a committment to u and u to them? a naive creature by the name of love. a cheeky lil' demon who can make u smile todae, but cry the nxt.

waiting fer u.

want u to need me
want u to want me
want u to tell me u care
want u to be with me.

but i want me to stop thinkin of u.

cant believe this is how desperate i can be. cant believe u cant love me. cant believe im still holdin on to the hope tt u'll turn back. arrgh, how pathetic can i be.

october 6th 320am

am i tryin too hard to look fer happiness? jian jian dan dan-is tt wad i wan? so pure and innocent, but im no longer 16yrs old. hah. ih training had started and left me w muscleaches fer the last 2 daes. really enjoyed it but smth's missin.. teammates i guess. somebd to play w me, to go thru every stage w me. babe, not 16yrs old or younger anymore!!

who do i care for and who cares for me? pushin away those who cares and hanging on to those who doesn?

still goin strong and everything's goin pretty well. at least in my very own little circle. the nxt rim's pretty complicated.. friends. hmms...

lil' demon miss me todae? - Ha ha hmm yup i did miss u todae..
im gonna smile for the rest of the dae - ha ha silly gal..
be my reason to smile? -wad if i make u cry?
ure my reason to smile and my reason to cry. how ironic - huhs?

haha anticlimax. how dumb.